Happy Memorial Day and Happy 100th Birthday Daddy

It's been a crazy day... We have had a flood in Central Texas that is worse than the Memorial Day flood of 1981. Worse than any of us have ever seen. Memorial Day, is the holiday honoring American soldiers who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country. So I honor my father today. Tomorrow would have been his 100th birthday if he were still with us. Happy Birthday Daddy. I hope you are having a cold one with all your war buddies in heaven.

I was just told by a facebook friend today:

"Your dad's shoulder patch is the 2nd Infantry Division. This unit fought the entire war from North Africa in Nov. of 1942, to Sicily in July of '43, to Italy in Sept. of '43. They were withdrawn from Italy for the Normandy invasion, did that, and fought all the way to D-Day.

My Father, Felipe Montoya Fajardo
On the bottom row, center

I just remember him talking about being in the 2nd Infantry Division, the Invasion of Normandy, also known as D-Day in 1944. He also spoke about fighting until the end of the war, The Battle of the Bulge in 1945.

Felipe Montoya Fajardo

WWII 1945

Felipe Montoya Fajardo
WWII 1945

My dad Felipe Montoya Fajardo and his first cousin Jose Pilar Fajardo fought in The Battle of the Bulge, WWII, Normandy, France. They had WAY more than that in common. Their mother's were sisters.

Lucinda Labadie and younger sister Josefita Labadie married brothers. 

Lucinda was married to Victoriano Fajardo.

Josefita married Doroteo Chavez Fajardo.

My father's mother Josefita, died when he was only 3 years old, due to the 1918 Spanish Influenza so my dad, Felipe and his cousin, Jose grew up sort of as brothers. 

They also married sisters.

My dad married my mother Agueda and Jose married her younger sister Carolina. 

Complicated I know but I promise, when you sort it all out, there is no incest going on there.

Before they left for the war, my Uncle Jose married my mother's little sister, Carolina. As my mother told the story, when they returned from the war, Connie and Jose had a son, Benny. According to my mother, my dad was a "player." Here story used to change from she didn't like him or trust him to the very romantic story of him having a Model T car that he used to charge the girls a quarter for rides to and from the dances in Puerto de Luna from Santa Rosa. It was a 12 mile drive. My mother finally admitted that she wanted to deter his taxi service to the other young women so she would give him a dollar right up front at the beginning of the evening to "buy" his taxi services for the evening. Smart girl. Very shortly after they had returned from the war, my dad's step-mother became ill. His parents were living in Amarillo where his father worked for the Santa Fe Railroad. He needed to go to Texas to see her, yet he didn't want to leave my mom behind because all the young men who had just returned from the war were looking to get married and settle down. He asked her to go with him to Amarillo and she declined because they weren't married and that wouldn't be proper so he asked her to marry him. They got married in the and he took her to Amarillo with him. The rest is history. I had always wondered why there were no wedding photos and I wondered why they never spoke much of their wedding. She told me this story shortly before she passed away.
Just this past year I discovered that my father's parents, Doroteo Fajardo and Josefita Labadie were married at the Nuestra Senora del Refugo Church, Puerto de Luna, NM on May 12, 1915 and my father was born on May 26, 1915. That was a very well kept secret until after both of my parents passed away. 

I can't sing praises enough for ancestry.com. After studying my genealogy for a little while, I have noticed that important dates tend to repeat within the family. My brother and my grandpa Doroteo were born on the same day and my grandparents were married on my birthday. Over and above that, I have either reconnected with long lost cousins or I have meet ones that I never knew I had. It is a wonderful thing to feel so connected.

Who Invented The Taco Shell? Fabiola Cabeza de Baca

If you have followed my blog, you know that I have spent a lot of time researching my ancestry. One of the major objectives was to discover the strong, influential women in my Hispanic heritage because they seemed to be overlooked in the history books. 

I was trying to get this blog published yesterday, May 16th because it was the birthday of one of the most accomplished women of her generation in the Hispanic, New Mexican culture - The First Lady of New Mexico Cuisine - Fabiola Cabeza de Baca. Born in Las Vegas, New Mexico just 4 days after my birthdate, on May 16, 1894. 

Fabiola was immensely intelligent and curious. She was a teacher, nutritionist, organizer and an author. She is known for making tremendous advancements in food safety and most of her time was dedicated to helping people in New Mexico learn how to properly can, dry and preserve food with a decreased risk of food borne illnesses. She is also known for organizing markets where Native American women could sell their homemade goods for profit. Yet of ALL of her accomplishments, I would have to say that I am most impressed with the fact that she invented the u-shaped fried taco shell and she is reputed to have introduced New Mexico’s green chile into Anglo-American cooking. That is a HUGE claim to fame considering a hundred years later, my son is serving the u-shaped fried taco shell in his Mexican food restaurant Taco Circus located in St. Louis, MO.

Fabiola's parents were Graciano Cabeza de Baca and Indalecia Delgado. The Cabeza de Baca family ancestry is traced back to Alvar Nunez Cabeza de Baca, my 9th great-grandfather. He was a Spanish explorer, one of four survivors of the 1527 Narvaez Expedition. He became a trader and faith healer to various Native American tribes. After returning to Spain he wrote an account of his journey, La Relación ("The Account") which in later editions was retitled Naufragios ("Shipwrecks") He has been considered notable as a proto-anthropologist for his detailed accounts of the many tribes of Native Americans that he encountered. Fabiola went to Spain to study her genealogy and translated his journals from Spanish into English. There was a movie made about him in 1991. You can s the trailer here.

Álvar Núñez Cabeza de Vaca - Spanish explorer
My 9th Great-Grandfather

Fabiola’s paternal great-grandfather, Don Luis Maria Cabeza de Baca held title to the Las Vegas Grandes land grant awarded him by the Mexican government in 1823. Her uncle Ezequial Cabeza de Baca was elected the first Lieutenant Governor for the State of New Mexico in 1912, and the second Governor of the state in 1917. I discovered Fabiola when I was researching my ancestry and found some of her research on our ancestor, Manuel Francisco Delgado, her 4th great grandfather. In the year 1790 he was the 1st Lieutenant Governor of New Mexico.

When Fabiola was four, her mother Indalecia Delgado Cabeza de Baca, died and left behind her husband and four children. Fabiola's father and paternal grandmother Estafana, raised Fabiola and her siblings. Fabiola's early life was spent on the family ranch near Las Vegas, NM. The Cabeza de Baca family belonged to a wealthy Spanish elite ranching family. Women did not perform manual labor, instead her grandmother Estefana spent her time doing charity work. Fabiola tells us in her memoir, "We Fed Them Cactus" (1954), she refused to take on her “proper” role as a Spanish lady. Her father allowed her to spend time with him the ranch, riding with the men and the tending of fields, orchards, and animals. She also accompanied her grandmother, a healer (curandera) on her herb-gathering expeditions and learned to become an accomplished storyteller. Fabiola also collected Hispano folklore and the history of her people that she worried was fast disappearing from the modern world.

Her family moved to Las Vegas after her mother’s death. She attended the Sisters of Loretto school, where she was expelled in her first year for slapping a nun. She then attended the New Mexico Normal College, (Now Highlands University) and in 1906 she spent a year in Madrid, Spain where she studied Spanish, art, literature, and history. (a woman after my own heart!) Fabiola receive an elementary school teaching certificate from New Mexico Normal, in 1912; a BA in pedagogy from New Mexico Normal College, in 1921; and a BS in home economics from New Mexico State University, Las Cruces, in 1927.

Built in 1873 the Loretto Chapel at the Loretto Academy
was where Fabiola went to school.
It was influenced by the French clergy
in Santa Fe, the Gothic Revival-style chapel
was patterned after King Louis IX's
Sainte-Chapelle in Paris.
A striking contrast to the adobe churches already in the area.

The staircase in the Loretto Chapel
has two 360 degree turns
and no visible means of support
and was built without nails—only wooden pegs. 

Fabiola's life is a wonderment to me. She lived the life I dreamed of. I had always wished I had known my grandmother before she grew old and blind. I wished that I had grown up in a time when speaking my native tongue was not looked down upon. I dreamed of going to college at Highlands University after graduating high school and studying music. That almost happened! My senior year in high school I worked half day and went to school half day and after graduation I rented a little adobe house in New Mexico with plans of attending Highlands University. I had been playing guitar and I wanted to major in music. My parents had other plans. They went and fetched me and brought me to Austin where I was to babysit for my sister's then 2 year old son. It was 14 years before I made it back to college in Amarillo to acquire an art degree. Now, at the age of 60 my dream is to go to Spain and see all the castles and cathedrals that bear the Fajardo coat of arms, to discover my Spanish heritage. I still have high hopes that dream will come true.

In 1916, the year after my father was born in Santa Rosa, Fabiola was sixteen and took her first job as a school teacher in a one-room school in rural Guadalupe County six miles from the family ranch. Fabiola's father opposed her working but Fabiola insisted. The young teacher stayed with the families of her students because it was too far to travel back and forth each day. Teaching in the rural community was a challenge. Her students, in addition to being frequently absent, came from very mixed backgrounds. She recalled her students as “the children of homesteaders, children of Spanish extraction and children of Indian blood but of Spanish tongue.” As teachers do, even now in poor communities, Fabiola often used her own money to purchase school materials and she created her own bilingual curriculum. When teaching music she had the students teach each other their traditional songs such as Spanish folk songs and cowboy ballads.

In her book "We Fed Them Cactus," her description of her experience teaching in a rural schoolhouse reads like a laboratory for creating civic democracy: “I learned the customs, food habits, religions, languages, and folkways of different national groups. They were all simple, wholesome people living from the soil. . . . My education was from books; theirs came the hard way. It was superior to mine.”

Fabiola Cabeza de Baca Gilbert in front of rural New Mexico schoolhouse

Fabiola continue teaching school for the next ten years although never again in such rural and poor circumstances. She taught in Santa Rosa and at a Spanish-language school. I sometimes wonder if she taught my mother and father in Santa Rosa. She began taking summer classes at New Mexico Normal and between school and work, managed to get her Bachelor's degree in 1921 with a major in Pedagogy and a minor in Romance languages. After graduation she spent a couple of years in Madrid, Spain researching her genealogy at the "El Centro de Estudios Historicos." (Center for Historical Studies) When she returned, she again resumed teaching home economics and became intrigued with this new field of study. Home Economics applied progressive goals of efficiency and science to the kitchen and family. She began taking classes at New Mexico Normal in foods, clothing and chemistry. In 1927, she moved to Las Cruces and attended New Mexico State University where she earned a degree in Home Economics from New Mexico State University in 1929.

Fabiola Cabeza de Baca

The Extension Service eagerly offered Fabiola a job after she obtained her degree and she began a thirty-year career as an extension agent. Her ethnicity and her reverence for the old ways lent to her success as an extension agent. Fabiola was the only extension agent in the state of New Mexico who spoke Spanish. Her job kept her on the road often from dawn until midnight. Rural areas were sparsely populated and many miles separated farms and homesteads.

In 1931 Fabiola eloped with Carlos Gilbert. She was thirty-five. Gilbert was a successful insurance agent and active member of the League for United Latin American Citizens (LULAC), the most prominent Hispanic civil rights organization of the mid-twentieth century, founded in 1929. (The Carlos Gilbert Elementary School in Santa Fe is named after him.) Fabiola’s father disapproved of the marriage because Gilbert was divorced and he didn't like LULAC’s emphasis on Mexican American, rather than Spanish American identity. Fabiola was an officer in the organization, but as a woman, she could not hold a leadership position. She would be so proud of my friend Christine Albert who lived in Santa Fe when I lived in Santa Rosa during the early 70's. Christine is now the Chair of the GRAMMYS. It has been a slow uphill battle but both of these women have done more than their share to nudge our society into believing that women are true leaders of our communities.

Fabiola's sister, Guadalupe Cabeza de Baca Gallegos on the far left
and Fabiola third from right.

As an agricultural agent, Carlos taught farmers more efficient crop and livestock practices and extension agents like Fabiola, taught farmer’s wives lessons in nutrition, food preservation, food preparation, and home technology. She taught rural women vital skills such as gardening, fruit and vegetable preservation and basic home repairs. By introducing the local rural women to sewing machines, they were able to make quilts faster. She also translated government documents into Spanish for the rural population. But above all, she was an innovator. She challenged conventional rural ways and tried to integrate modern advancements with traditional ones. Rural reforms in New Mexico attempted to alleviate some of the worst effects of poverty by bringing them modern home economics and agricultural practices because 82% of the New Mexican population was rural and were living in a depressed economic situation even before the Depression hit in 1929.

Fabiola's Home

In 1932, a serious accident interrupted Fabiola's career as an extension agent. Her car was hit by a train, injuring her leg which was eventually amputated. Even while recuperating, she worked writing extension circulars on canning and food preparation. After returning to work she continued to visit thousands of homes throughout rural New Mexico. During the 1930s, she also began to compile copious notes about village traditions. She collected recipes, folklore, herbal remedies, religious rituals, and planting practices. She sent these and other recipes to the Santa Fe paper "Neuvo Mexicana" and held a bilingual weekly radio program on KVSF on homemaking.

Fabiola was the author of two New Mexico cookbooks and several bilingual food pamphlets and newsletters. She wrote a weekly food column for the Spanish newspaper "El Nuevo Mexicano" in Santa Fe. She had a bilingual weekly radio program on station KVSF on homemaking. And I must say again, she was a woman after my own heart, she believed writing to be one of the most potent forms of social action. In 1939, she published a compilation of old and new recipes she had collected from Spanish Anglo, Indian and Mexican families. "Historic Cookery" was originally published as an extension circular and was republished several times. Governor Mabry sent hundreds of copies to other state governors and officials as publicity for the state of New Mexico. She wrote articles for the New Mexico Agricultural Extension Service bulletins portraying traditional New Mexican village cultural practices. One of her first efforts “Noche Buena” carefully documented traditional Christmas cooking within its historical context. These articles culminated in a book length tribute to Hispanic traditions entitled "The Good Life," Published in 1949. It was a fictional story of the Turrieta family and life in their village accompanied with recipes of their favorite food. Fabiola intended to share some of her experiences with her rural clients. She felt that their way of life was rapidly vanishing and this was her attempt to preserve it in a book.

Fabiola Cabeza de Baca
At work in the kitchen
Courtesy Palace of the Governors Photo Archives
In the collection of the Fray Angélico Chávez Library
New Mexico History Museum

Fabiola Cabeza de Baca Gilbert's cookbook
"Historic Cookery" has been credited with the popularization
of cooking with chile that led directly to America's love of
native New Mexican foods. When "Historic Cookery"
first appeared in 1931 it may have been the earliest cookbook
of New Mexican foods to be published, with heirloom recipes
from the Fabiola's family
and others collected from villagers in New Mexico.

Fabiola was proud of her noble heritage, in which she included women’s work that was vital to creating civilization on the plains—particularly their vital knowledge of herbs and midwifery. Her goal in all of her writing was to preserve the best of the past and honor her Hispanic traditions. She praised her grandmother for her knowledge of herbs. She published traditional chile recipes in her first cookbook, "Historic Cookery" (1931, 1939), but she also suggested the use of an “electric blender” for getting the meat out of green chiles in the most expeditious way.

Here's one of her recipes from "Historic Cookery":

She introduced the pressure cooker and new methods of canning, but she preserved the “old ways” that were quite good enough, and that meshed with both the cultural desires and the nutritional needs of her clients. In order to better serve the Pueblo and Hispano communities spread over hundreds of miles of northern New Mexico that she traversed,

She published her next book "We Fed Them Cactus" in 1954. It chronicled four generations of her family history on the Llano Estacado gleaned from stories or cuentos that her uncle had told her and her brother. The opening line stated, “This is the story of the struggle of New Mexican Hispanos for existence on the Llano, the Staked Plains.” Fabiola’s poignantly recounts her families decline from wealthy land grant holders to struggling ranchers as the United States increasingly encroached on their title to the land. Although nostalgic it also presents a critical view of progress as it affected the Hispanic people of the Southwest.

An excerpt from "Historic Cookery" by Fabiola Cabeza de Baca

 

 In the 1950s, Cabeza de Baca’s extension work branched out into the international arena. Under the
auspices of the United Nations, she began to develop home economic programs in Mexico. She traveled to remote Mexican villages and trained workers in the techniques she had acquired working in Pueblo and Hispanic villages.  In her later years, she became an active member of "La Sociedad Folklorica" of Santa Fe, an organization dedicated to preserving Spanish culture, traditions, and folklore. Fabiola Cabeza de Baca died in Albuquerque on October 14, 1991.

The Literary Gardener

Food + Folklore Festival

November 8-10, 2013

International Museum of Folk Arts

Santa Fe, New Mexico

What Happens When Saturn Returns?

I just had my 60th birthday a couple of days ago. The morning of my birthday, my friend Carole, took me to an astrology class. There were a few things I already knew, somethings that were new to me and one BIG thing I was reminded of.... the dreaded Saturn Returns!

Cycles are at the heart of the human experience and astrology is all about cycles. We are familiar with the Moon’s orbit around the Earth every month and the Earth’s orbit around the Sun every year so we have a Solar return every year on our birthday. That is where the saying "Many Happy Returns" comes from. It is the Solar Return we are celebrating and in effect it is your own personal new year and a chance to make a fresh start.

The planets on longer cycles and have a deeper and more profound effect on your life. The "Saturn Return" may be the most familiar but also the most feared. This is the notorious period of our life, which we hit every 30 (give or take a couple of years) when our life goes one of two ways -- we either take off soaring like an eagle, successful, happy and financially free, or everything crumbles around us and we fall apart. For many of us, it's the latter.

Saturn makes its first return to its natal position in your horoscope when you are somewhere between 28-32 years old and its second return at around age 58-62 years old. This time is, in essence, a metaphorical rebirth. Careers can take off -- or completely flop. You could meet the love of our life -- or bolt from the partner you thought would be your happily ever after. It can put you face-to-face with your deepest fears. Everything you thought you wanted comes into question, as you realize you are not who, what or where you want to be.

During the first Saturn Return, many young people feel an urgent need to figure something out about their lives.  That was exactly what I felt. I felt the urge for more education, I wanted to learn more about eastern philosophy, yoga and diet. I remember being home alone on my 30th birthday. I sat down on my couch and looked around. I had what seemed to be the perfect life. A great relationship. I had a brand new 2 story house and a brand new car. I had 2 children, a dog and cat and I wondered "Is this all there is?" My life started to change drastically shortly there after. I ended up single. I went back to college in Amarillo and then got a job in Los Angeles. That is the short version of a very difficult 3 or 4 years. 

Similarly at the Second Saturn return the developmental pressure is felt again. This time it is linked with an awareness of mortality. Saturn slows you down and forces you to take a long hard look at reality. How much time do you have left? How do you want to spend it? There really is no time left for procrastinating. The Second Saturn Return is a time of life review and soul searching. How did you get here? Is this really where you want to be? Often it represents a cross roads of sorts, and an opportunity to deal at last with unfinished business. Sometimes this means getting rid of people, jobs and situations that no longer fit who you are or want to be. There is a taking stock that can culminate in a kind of purging and reordering of your life. This death of the old way of doing things can be painful, but subsequently there is often a feeling of relief and gratitude that you are no longer stuck in circumstances that no longer served you.

Again, I had a classic Saturn Return when I was 57. I ended a relationship, moved from Austin to St Louis and then Dallas. Now I have been settled in Kyle for 2 years. So the second Saturn return occurred a little sooner but it isn't to say it was any easier. Both times by the end of the Saturn Return, I felt like a phoenix rising from the ashes. One of the most common regrets that people voice at the end of their lives is that they did not sufficiently honor their own truth, that they lived in accordance with other’s expectations instead of their heart. Saturn return is often not an easy passage, but it is rich with opportunity to re-create our lives in order to have the most meaningful and vibrant life.

Saturn Returns reminds us of what is truly important, and makes sure we are on the path to claim our highest potential. Pain, depression and turbulence often come when we hold on to patterns, beliefs, jobs, relationships, lifestyle choice, and environments that no longer serve us. Letting go and releasing your resistance to the unknown will help you glide into the next phase of your life.

Here's to another 30 years before my next Saturn Return!

Happy 82nd Birthday Willie - Who'll Buy My Memories

Here's a few of my favorite songs and personal photos with

Willie over the past forty something years. 

Happy Birthday Willie! 

You've been an inspiration. 

Bless You.

Willie Nelson 

Who'll Buy My Memories

4th of July Picnic

Christina, Lee and Willie
Lana asked Willie if we could perform at the 4th of July Picnic
he said we could if we wore blonde wigs and sequined dresses
so we did.... 3 years in a row!

Willie Nelson, Jessica Simpson, the Wilson Brothers and a whole bunch of our friends

"You Don't Think I'm Funny Anymore" Video 

Luck, Texas

On the Bus

Amy, Christina, Willie and Rene

Unveiling of Eight-foot-tall statue

of Willie Nelson 

On Willie Nelson Blvd 

In front of the Moody Theater

I will never forget this day. We all gathered at Lambert's to have lunch and as we walked to Willie Nelson Blvd, Lana asked me "So what have you been up to this week?" I said not much, how about you?" She said "oh, not much, I just got a statue of my dad put up on this corner."

Nita, Cayce, Martha, Christina and Mario

Dylan's 16th Birthday Present

from the Nelson Family

The Whole Front Row At A Willie Concert

At The White Water Amphitheater

New Braunfels

Dylan and Christina

Dylan, Chris, Christina and Adriane at the Willie concert

White Water, New Braunfels

Willie

Willie Nelson

I Never Cared for You

Willie Nelson - Intro Medley 

Where's the Show

Let Me Be A Man

Willie Nelson

Family Bible

Willie Nelson

Mom and Dad Waltz

Willie Nelson 

It's Not Supposed To Be That Way

Willie Nelson

The Redheaded Stranger

Willie Nelson

I Never Cared for You

Willie Nelson 

Nuages

Today, April 18, Is the New Moon in Aries!

New Moon in Aries! Exciting!

New Moons are are the beginning of the 29.5 day moon cycle and signal a fresh start for the following month. It is a time to evoke positive new habits, drawing on more positive qualities of the zodiac sign it is in. Tonight's new moon in Aries is like a cosmic spring awakening, rebooting our systems for another 365-day cycle. Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, sending our focus to fresh starts, creative opportunities and new beginnings. Ruled by red-hot Mars, Aries energy fires up our passion and gives us the courage to compete or even fight for our dreams.

New Moons are a great time to plant seeds, set intentions, or perform actions in relation to what we would like to grow or manifest over the upcoming cycle. Try writing a list of 10 New Moon Wishes. Don't worry if you missed doing it today, It can be done over the next 24 hours. Think Big!

This new moon in Aries can even awaken our slumbering activism. Founding feminist, Gloria Steinem was an Aries, as was civil rights activist  Cesar Chavez. Their confident, courageous world-changing impact is an example of harnessing Aries energy to start a revolutionary fire. We all have the power within us to shape the world. Rather than raging randomly when we’re feeling frustrated, we can create constructive change, fighting the good fight for our beliefs. In some cases, this can be as basic as saying “no” to a degrading offer, or daring to express an unpopular, but enlightened idea in the face of extreme opposition.

Nakedly honest and unapologetic, Aries energy can stun us with its entitlement. It can also inspire us. Aries is unafraid to want more. To Desire! This can be the basis for prosperity. The Kabbalah teaches that there are two kinds of desire: the desire to receive in order to share, or the desire to receive for the self alone. When we want just for ourselves, we burn out fast. When we desire an abundant crop to feed the village, the universe is happy to give us more and more.

The Aries New Moon prompts us to awaken that molecule-swirling, spine-tingling feeling. Let the hot blood pump through your veins, springing you into action. Passion is an essential element of living a fulfilled life and the Aries new moon serves as a reminder. 

Emotions are E-motion — energy in motion.

The Intuitive Heart

The other day, while having lunch on the patio of Central Market, I had a phone conversation with my brother. He was planting his garden. We have both found that grounding ourselves by gardening is something that is crucial to our well being. That's not all we have in common. He and I discovered late in life that we both have congenital heart dis-ease. Some of the oddities in our hearts are the same, some of them different. We both have aortic aneurysms. One of my arteries that is supposed to go to the right, goes to the left. He doesn't have a pericardium, or a sac that holds the heart in place so his heart is flipped. I have a leaky aortic valve that has caused serious issues twice during dental procedures. The list goes on. I had the first of my undiagnosed seizures at the age of 15, the second at age 25 when I was pregnant with my second child. Fortunately that issue has been controlled with medication since then. Now I am just prone to nervous system overload once in a while and have to retreat to a quiet place. My brother had a brain tumor 5 years ago and we have both suffered from severe migraines for years. I was diagnosed with a very rare spinal disease 8 years ago called Syringomyelia, a disorder in which a cyst forms within the spinal cord. Needless to say we share the same DNA. The good news is that I have someone that is extremely close to me that can relate to a my oddly, serious health issues. I see it all as a blessing, we pray together often. I think he would agree that it doesn't allowed us to get caught up in society's focus on material wealth, instead it has catapulted us into a an amazing spiritual  journey that few understand.

My childhood wasn't typical. I knew at a young age that I was different, however, actually seeing medical documentation that my heart is different and my brain is different sort of makes me feel better because it explains some of my hypersensitivities. I am wired differently, to say the least. I wasn't capable of watching cartoons on Saturday morning. Bugs Bunny blowing up the Roadrunner frightened me so I would retreat to my bedroom and play with my dolls. The sensitivity continued into adulthood making it difficult to watch violent or scary movies, intense hospital drama and or even news broadcasts. I also feel overwhelmed by bright lights, rough fabrics and strong smells. It wasn't until the 80's that I had a name for what I was experiencing. I am an empath. When others easily tolerate chaos, it sends me over the edge. I feel physically ill or in pain as a result of negative energy around me. It's difficult enough to be like an “emotional satellite” with surround sound.... adding to that input from the TV is unbearable, sending my nervous system into overdrive, which causes anxiety, exhaustion and chronic stress that shows up physically in my body in all sorts of ways.

My first memory of feeling someone else's pain was when I was 9. My mother's cousin was visiting and I had to leave the room because I became ill and my chest was hurting. He had just gotten a pacemaker. Having the innate ability to intuitively feel what others are feeling is a blessing and a curse. I sometimes know how others are feeling before they know. Being around dishonest people with dark energy isn't even an option. It often makes me feel overwhelmed or just a sense of sensory overload that makes me sleepy in the middle of the day or wakes me up in the middle of the night after having scary lucid dreams. My whole life, I have been told I am too sensitive and overly emotional, as if I had a choice in the matter. One is either intuitive or not. It isn't a learned trait.

Probably the most difficult aspect of being an empath is that of being misunderstood. We are inclined to pick up on the collective unconscious feelings and/or emotions in a group of people, whether it be a family unit or a group of friends. A great metaphor would be that of a pressure cooker. There are always underlying issues within a group of people and empaths are always the ones that blow their gasket .... so guess who gets blamed. There have been so many times that I have felt like I have been left in a heap of rubble and the culprit walks out smelling like a rose, brushing their hair off of their forehead saying "I didn't do anything." I have found that the only way to find peace within myself is by communicating. Withholding emotions feels detrimental to my health causing physical ailments or dis-ease. Others seem to skate through life without ever having a deep, real conversation about anything. They never seem to let the truth get in the way of their story. So guess who gets blamed. The one that speaks the truth. If you are a sensitive person and your thoughts and/or emotions sometimes become explosive and you get blamed for improper behavior take into consideration that sometimes you are getting unfairly blamed for the collective energy.

And then there is the issue of being in relationships. Ugh.... It has taken me many, many years to understand my issues with intimacy. My relationships have always been filled with intense bonding and even more intense separations. I have always merged with others at the drop of a hat, hence, very quickly finding difficulty in knowing where I ended and they began. It had been my nature to attracted narcissistic people who craved the mirroring and validation I offered. Again, not something I've done consciously. I thought everyone was operating from the same perspective. Isn't that what love songs are written about? Isn't that why Romeo and Juliet died? I used to get so entangled that an “emotional exorcism” of some sort seemed to be the only way to regain my personal space. I gave too much of myself. I would solve their problems with ease and help them restore equilibrium at my expense. It's absolutely no wonder that I have had so many heart breaking songs written about me. I have spent the better part of the past 2 years alone, working on my personal boundaries. I have learned to say no, walk away and feel good about myself if a situation looks like it could be detrimental to my well being. It has been a life long lesson and I think I finally got it.... but please God, don't test me.

So in this couple of years of almost constant solitude, I have discovered some of the up sides of being an empath. We are often the keepers of ancestral knowledge and family history. I am the photo journalist of the family and have spent a countless hours doing research on my family tree. While doing my ancestral research, my ancestors have become very much a part of my life, helping me to understand family dynamics and even more importantly, family trauma. Linear time doesn't seem to exist, the information is just there. Empathy is genetic, inherent in our DNA and passed from generation to generation. It is studied both by traditional science and alternative healing practitioners.

There is still one aspect of being an empath that I am not overly concerned about but still working on. Empaths are prone to carry extra weight without necessarily overeating. The excess weight is a form of protection to stop the negative incoming energies having as much impact. In order to compensate for the abundance of energy felt by those with empathic abilities, our bodies will often carry extra weight as a type of insulation between ourselves and others as a form of self- protection. So ... to any of you empaths who struggle with your weight and feel guilty because of it.... Don’t. Carrying extra weight doesn't make you any less spiritual or less valuable than anyone else. Learn to love and accept yourself. Thank your body for how it protects and takes care of you. I promise it will do wonders in your overall health and sense of well-being!

Next month I will be 60 and I am still learning to create healthy boundaries. As an empath, my perspective is easily disrupted by others, the good news is that it forces me to be open minded to others point of view, bad news is I have a history of having my path derailed by others. Oddly, the people that warn me of being taken advantage of are often the ones I have to be the most aware of. Then there are those that I recognize in a split second as kindred spirits. I am still learning to adjust the filter through which I experience life and learning that to be an empath in full bloom is an extraordinary privilege. I am vulnerable yet resilient, intuitive yet grounded. I am deeply creative, expressive and magnetic — All with a sense of how these qualities are balanced with a somewhat oddly broken but open heart. If you too are an empath, pay attention to your heart rate, take care to ground yourself. The earth is a natural source of electrons and subtle electrical fields, which are essential for a proper functioning of immune system, circulation, synchronization of biorhythms. Meditate. Listen to... or play music. It works on the autonomic nervous system, the part of the nervous system that controls our blood pressure, heartbeat and brain function. It is also beneficial to the limbic system, the part of the brain that controls feelings and emotions. When slow rhythms are played, our blood pressure and heartbeat slow down which helps us breathe more slowly, thus reducing muscle tension in our neck, shoulders, stomach and back. Music also reduces psychological tension in our mind.  Drink lots of water and most importantly, listen to your body.

Life Lessons from Central Texas, the Palo Duro Canyon to the New Mexico Ghost Ranch

Adriane, Christina and Christian
Oak Hill, 1986

In 1986 my life, as I knew it, fell apart. But like a phoenix rising from the ashes, in the midst of my dark night of the soul, I took drastic steps that would change the trajectory of my life.

If you're into astrology, you know that we all go through "Saturn Return" between the ages of 29-30. It takes Saturn that long to orbit the Sun, therefore when Saturn returns to the part of the sky where it was when we were born, it wreaks havoc in our life and bringing about the fears we have to overcome to achieve success. Think about the crazy things that happen on a full moon and multiply that by 30. These challenges help us gain strength and wisdom, however, being a Taurus, I'm pretty stubborn, so it took until I was 32 for the life lessons to finally throw me to the ground and make me cry UNCLE. 

I will spare you the gory details of my battle with Saturn. I lost my dream home lock, stock and barrel. Then I lost my new car. With my world in shambles, I was back to square one. I had to get the college education, that I had longed for. To the average person, I suppose the task would seem impossible. I was divorced, with a mere high school education and I was working at Whole Foods making slightly over minimum wage. I had 2 children and zero child support. The worst of it was that my innate belief that I was worthy had vanished.

Let me back up for a minute so you can get a feel for on the odds that I had been working against. In traditional Hispanic families, there are unspoken rules that children are taught. Sons are expected to have fun, go to school, eventually get a job and support the family. Girls are to serve as a support system to the family. Period. No education needed to cook, clean and have babies. I was obviously paying closer attention to the "Women's Rights Movement" in world around me when I graduated high school in 1973 and My BIG plan was to get a college education at Highlands University in Las Vegas, New Mexico. However, my parents held tight to their traditional plans for me. They came and swooped me up in New Mexico and took me to Austin to babysit for my sister's 2 year old son. She was a single mom and she needed my help. I had my dreams but I was so indoctrinated by the traditional Hispanic culture that I didn't know that at the age of 18, I actually had a choice. 

Fast forward to the age of 30, I had gone through enough personal growth to realize that I could no longer play by theses rules. Needless to say, nobody in my family was on board with my yoga, meditation and self help classes. So as a result of "Saturn Return" dynamic, I was estranged from my support system and forced to look beyond my life long comfort zone. It didn't look like it but the Universe was really on my side. I learned that Texas State Technical Institute in Amarillo was the only Commercial Art Department in Texas with Macintosh computers. I intuitively knew that I had to learn how to use a Macintosh. 

So, for reasons beyond my control, I had to leave my 8 year old son, Christian in Austin with his father and my 10 year old daughter, Adriane and I moved to Amarillo. We lived with my parents for a couple of months until I could get into family housing on the Texas State Technical campus. To date, it was the hardest yet the most positive decision I've ever had to make. In the midst of it all, I felt that I was being guided by spirit.

Christina - Photography Class -
Texas State Technical Institute - 1987

Adriane in her bedroom
at in our family student housing
on the TSTI Campus

I spent hours and days in the vast wilderness of the Palo Duro Canyon, reflecting on life and my surroundings. At first, I saw no beauty at all. I was forced to zero in on the beauty of a tiny flower growing between two rocks. There was nothing else in the Panhandle that even came close to the beauty of the tiny flower in the canyon. I think, for the same reason, so many great musicians come from this part of the country. There is nothing on the horizon in the panhandle so you must look inward to find the beauty.

During my art classes in Palo Duro Canyon, I discovered first hand why Georgia O'Keefe painted small flowers on a very large scale. 

Georgia O'Keefe became a huge artistic influence. She saw the beauty in the rocks, plants and mesas of the quiet canyon that became the subject in her work. I sometimes felt her spirit lingering in the canyon. I also used to spend hours in the darkroom on campus, developing my black and white photos, imagining the days Georgia spent in the the Texas Panhandle. 

Christina Fajardo and Steve Cost
Palo Duro Canyon, 1987

Palo Duro Canyon
Photo by Christina Fajardo 1987

She had died on March 6, 1986. Seventy years earlier she was the head of the art department at West Texas State in Canyon, Texas from the fall of 1916 until February 1918. The small town of Canyon is just south of Amarillo and just west of Palo Duro Canyon. 

Canyon with Crows - Georgia O'Keeffe - 1917
Palo Duro Canyon State Park, Texas
from the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum, Santa Fe

Georgia was teaching in Canyon in 1917 when she visited Northern New Mexico and fell in love with it. Twelve years later, in 1934 she decided to make the Ghost Ranch in Abiquiu, NM her summer home. Abiquiu is about an hour and a half north of Santa Fe. She would spend her summers hiking, exploring and painting the Ghost Ranch and in the winter she went to New York to be with her husband, Alfred Stieglitz. Although she wanted to buy the Ghost Ranch the owner wouldn't sell it to her because at the time it was a dude ranch. So she rented a secluded area on Ghost Ranch with a modest home. She finally convinced the owner to sell her the house and 7 acres of Ghost Ranch. Later on she bought a home on 3 acres in Abiquiu and spent three years remodeling the old adobe. After her husband Alfred died, Georgia made Abiquiu her permanent home. It seemed that Georgia had lived my dream. My goal was to one day remodel an old adobe house and live in New Mexico and make it my home. For one year when I was 17 I lived with my grandma in her old adobe home in Puerto de Luna, NM.  I used to fall asleep at night thinking about the vivid description of my mother making the adobe bricks to build that home.

Ghost Ranch

The View from the Georgia O'Keefe
Ghost Ranch

Georgia O'Keefe
Ghost Ranch

Now hold on to your hats for this next paragraph if you get lost in family tree lingo. The 21,000 acres that comprise Ghost Ranch is part of the 50,000 acre Piedra Lumbre (Shining Stone) Land Grant. Piedra Lumbre was granted to to my 5th Great Uncle, Captain Antonio Montoya in 1766 by King Charles III of Spain. Then it was owned by Domingo de Luna, a lieutenant of the militia of Tome who was married to my 5th Great Aunt Josefa Lucero de Godoy, daughter of Manuel Miguel Lucero de Godoy II and Maria Rosa Baca, my 5th Great Aunt. Its final owner was Pedro Martin Serrano, maternal grandfather of my 2nd Great Grand Aunt Maria Micaela Valdez. She was born in Abiquiu April 14,1831. She was my mother's paternal Great-Grand Aunt. On the other side of my mother's family, my maternal Great Grandfather Jose Delores Padilla was also born in Abiquiu, February 16, 1837. I can't even imagine the feuds going on surrounding this land much less the land raids from the native nomadic Natives. Then came the cattle rustlers. There's just too much history to mention in one blog post but it's a miracle of sorts that a Padilla and a Valdez got married and had my mother and her 10 siblings.

Piedra Lumbre Land Grant

Fast forward 100 years.... Arthur Pack, one of the country’s first environmentalists, bought the Ranch in 1936. The name "Ghost Ranch," or "Rancho de los Brujos," in Spanish was derived from the many tales of ghosts in the Ranch's history. I can't help but think that the ghosts that linger at the "Ghost Ranch" are my ancestors, all of whom were my mother's maternal and paternal family, the Padilla and Valdez families feuding over the 50,000 acres land grant.

In 1955, the year I was born, Arthur Pack sold Ghost Ranch to the Presbyterian Church. O’Keeffe wanted to buy it so naturally she was upset. After many years she and staff of the Presbyterian Church made peace. They helped her with her secretarial work and maintenance on her property. Georgia made many monetary donations to the ranch and today structures can be seen that were constructed with her aid.

During the last years of Georgia’s life she did not go to Abiquiu but resided in Santa Fe. She died at the age of 99 reclusive to the end. She was quoted as saying “I find people very difficult”.

Ghost Ranch was the place of solace and inspiration for O’Keeffe who reluctantly shared it for years. Today Ghost Ranch is a retreat and education center run by the Presbyterian church. They offer various classes in everything from writing, photography, silversmithing, and sacred journeys. I am sure that the souls of my ancestors are still on the Ghost Ranch, the land carries its own energy, the energy of my ancestors. It is sacred ground to me.

So yes, I truly do believe that my "Saturn Return" played a huge part in the loss of my house but I also strongly believe that we bring generational trauma with us. In other words, I really don't know how I feel about the King of Spain granting land to my family that really belonged to the Natives. I air on the side of Woody Guthrie. I believe this land was made for you and me. 

Read about Georgia when she lived in Canyon.

Read more about Piedra Lumbre Land Grant here:

The adobe kingdom: New Mexico, 1598-1958, as experienced by the families Lucero de Godoy y Baca