Reflections On My Birthday Month

Another year has gone by celebrating Taurus birthdays with all my Taurus friends....  except Sarah Elizabeth, the one that I miss very much. This Taurus birthday season just wasn't the same without her. She wasn't just the center of the Taurus parties, she was the center of every party. She had a way of creating a party when there wasn't one. I miss the magic in her infectious laughter. I miss her political incorrectness when she would say what everyone else was thinking. My birthday somehow wasn't right this year, I am hoping next year will be better... it's a big one... I will be 60.

Sarah Elizabeth Campbell and John Prine

I found a poem online about Taurus the Bull. After reading it, I thought yeah, maybe I have some of those traits but I've been a muse for a few songs that seem to have captured my essence a little better.

The latest on is a song written by my friend Danny Britt. The song is loosely based on me... or at least the first verse. His artistic license sort of took over somewhere in the middle of the song. It's called "She Only Drinks Whiskey In The Morning." He and I were having a conversation one day and I jokingly said that I only drank tequila in the morning, referring to "Tequila Sunrises," well he couldn't find a word to rhyme with tequila so he changed it to whiskey. Okay, cool... I like whiskey too.

You can see him sing "She Only Drinks Whiskey in the Morning."

Listen to Danny Britt sing "She Only Drinks Whiskey In The Morning"

In my defense I have never slept in a car or danced on top of a bar.

About 4 years ago my niece's husband, Mario Matteoli wrote a song about me and I am so glad I got passed that tragic, heartbreaking time of my life, but hey, I was a muse for a song that seems to help  a few women get through tragic, bad break-ups and I am absolutely positive that the attraction to tragic relationships is in my past. All I have to do is watch this video to remind myself that I never want to go down that slippery slope again.

Listen to "The Preservation" sing "Sweet Cecelia"

In the 80's another good friend, Milton Carroll, wrote a song about me called "Cecelia Don't Give Your Heart Away." As you may imagine, the song was just as tragic as "Sweet Cecelia." 

Okay, so all the songs written about me aren't tragic. Here is one written by Daniel Ruddick in 1991 called "Christina's Magic." I actually named my company after the song and it held that name for many years.

Christina’s Magic

She sent Billy Doss from somewhere near Waco

He gave me a message from the lady Christine

Just like a snake I slipped from my past

Rode down on the back of a gold eagle’s wing

We landed in Austin then out of the shadows

Like a dervish she swirled and danced in my dreams

Christina slips off her synthetic see-through

And takes me to places I’ve never been

We ride on the slipstream, me and Christina

I told her I’ve loved her for lifetimes it seems.

She weaves her magic on a desert mandala

Her cluster of blessings are hidden by pain

Dark angel’s hair rolls down streaked like sunset

Lips sliced like peaches drive me insane

Standing on crystal here at the crossroads 

Waiting for lightening to strike twice again

Christina’s magic is old and it’s ancient  

My mother of mercy brings new life to me

We ride on the slipstream, me and Christina

I told her I loved her for lifetimes it seems

Thunder clouds gather 

Christina’s passion drives tears from heaven 

Down to the sea

The scarlet red dawning dances on trinkets

Treasures Christina has left for me

Christina’s magic is old, very ancient  

My mother of mercy brings new life to me

We ride on the slipstream, me and Christina

I told her I loved her for lifetimes it seems

Written by Daniel Rudick, August 20, 1991, 8:00 am

Of course, Daniel went back to Canada and later recorded the song with his new girlfriend and completely changed the lyrics. You can listen to it here.

So the moral to the story...

Recognizing, acknowledging and honoring our path is a lifetime commitment. Anyone that has spent any amount of time in therapy knows that we have relationships with people who mirror ourselves and the relationships we have with our parents. One of the most frustrating things in the world is feeling something painful and having other people tell you that you shouldn’t be upset. That has been the message I received for the majority of my life. I've read "The Secret" several times over, I should have it all figured out, right? In some areas of my life I do. I have excellent parking karma. Animals and children love me. I can make a yard come alive in the blink of an eye. Relationships are a different story. I mirror the one I experienced as a child. The one I was told to overlook. I have seen the law of attraction work for so many and it seemed to be working against me. Finally, last week I heard Esther Hicks say that if you strongly affirm something verbally, but you don't really believe it in your heart, you are actually working against yourself. It's like you are arguing with yourself and digging your heals in. I get that. I'm a bull... I dig my heals in. So my birthday gift to myself this year is to really acknowledge my beliefs and to continue healing that part of myself that, in the past, didn't feel heard. Family dynamics are a funny thing. I urge you to take a look at yours and if there is an imbalance, acknowledge it. The day after I had that "Ah Ha moment" I woke up with this poem in my head, it was around May 12, my birthday. I'd had a dream about a family member that had really hurt me numerous times over the years and not only did they not acknowledge it, I was expected to accept their behavior and I did for years! And since nobody acknowledged that it was happening, an apology wasn't in order. That was until I finally stood my ground and acknowledged what an unhealthy situation it was for the whole family. I assumed they cared about me as much as I cared about them therefore these atrocities couldn't be occurring.... well they were.  I thought they would always be there for me, only to realize they never were there for me at all. Acknowledgement of the truth is key. We all need to know that we are seen and heard and

that we matter.

Happy Birthday to all my Taurus friends and family

and also to all the Gemini friends and family! 

Gilbert, Mom and Dad to name a few.

A Letter to My Daughter, Adriane On Her 36th Birthday

Happy birthday to my angel baby, Adriane Rose. I never could have imagined what our lives would become 36 years ago. When I hear myself tell the story now, it sounds like a fairy tale of a far away place, long, long ago. Reality.... now I live right down the road from where you were born, on the other end of FM1626. Life always seems to bring us full circle in one way or another.

September 3, 1977. It had been a hot day on "Summer Tree Farm," off of 1626 and Twin Creeks Road in Manchaca, Texas. Manchaca seemed like it was way out in the country at the time. The midwives pull up to the wrong farm house in the middle of the night and had a shot gun pulled on them. To top it off, I lost a lot of blood and was the last person in Travis County to have the EMS come to my house AFTER the delivery and NOT take me to the hospital. I don't know why your grandma was so upset that I didn't want to go to the hospital. Ha! Okay, looking back, your dad and I were die hard hippies who thought we were perfectly capable of having our baby at home the way it had been done for hundreds of years. Silly us and Thank God your Grandma was there! She had see her own sister die in a home birth when she was a teenager. I am guessing she was experiencing PSTD during my labor.

We lived in a little 2 bedroom house at the bottom of the hill on Summer Tree Farm. Your Uncle Phillip and Aunt Deborah lived in the big house at the top of the hill. Looking back, it was a great place to live. We had a cow named Betsy, a horse named Carmen, chickens, a garden and lots of parties and music.

Before your were 2 we bought a house in Austin on Robinsdale Lane. 

You had a room full of handmade dolls and toys.

Then your little brother, Christian was born when you were 2 years and 4 months old.

I am pretty sure you were the apple of your grandpa's eye. You used to go stay with your grandma and grandpa and he would let you sit in the front seat of the 1977 Malibu Classic that he gave you when you turned 16. 

Then it seems over night you became a teen-ager and the rest is history.

Fast forward to about a month ago. I got the email I had been patiently waiting for. Seriously! The email finally came! I love this email more than you can possibly know. I always wish mothers a happy birthday on the date of their children's birth because they are actually the ones who gave birth ... and truth be known, children don't experience that magnitude of love felt by a mother until they have a child of their own. So see.... you had no idea that this email is one of the BEST birthday presents I will ever receive.

Here it is, short and sweet:

I need to start meditating. I never thought that I would, but I need to try it. I go back to the ocean sound you used to play when we lived in California. As I get older, I realize I should listen to my mom. It will help. Not that I didn't listen before but I guess I rebelled. So I have come to a point in my life where I think I need to stop... and think. You have taught me great things and I need to act on them. I love you for who you are and what you have become. 

Love Adriane

I sincerely believe every mom would love to receive this message from their daughter. Thank you so very much for the acknowledgement. Happy Birthday to both of us! Remember what your Uncle Mike said on your facebook page today:

"You were the cutest and the sweetest little girl." 

That sweet little girl is still in there Adriane. She really is. Let her out and let her shine! I named you Rose because you looked like a beautiful little rose bud the minute you were born. I love you and I love the beautiful rose that you are becoming. Give it your all and be the best you can be. Don't let anyone or anything hold you back. That is the best gift you could give to me. Live your BEST life.

Love, Mom

Happy 5th Birthday to My Grandson, Andrew!

Andrew 5 years old today!

Today was a big day in St Louis. My grandson, Andrew turned 5 years old. My son, Christian, sent a few photos and videos of him and his friends at the birthday party, then going to see a movie, eating chocolate cake and then later having PaPa Roy put toys together for him. I couldn't help but feel a little left out, I woke up bright and early in Austin still tired from a 5 day canvas painting spree. I drank 3 cups of strong coffee while hanging art at Hyde Park Bar & Grill Westgate for my second art show for SXSW.

I can't even tell you how glad I am to have the art work for the SXSW show behind me. I am pretty sure I won't be painting another guitar for a while unless it is commissioned for a lot of money. I painted ten, count them, ten guitars. Normally I am inspired to paint whatever it is I am painting however, I have so moved passed my guitar painting phase for obvious reasons but I had agreed to do this SXSW show in October.

The last dream in the blue bedroom

Two weeks ago I went to the art store and bought 4 different canvas sizes. Lots of them. Normally that would inspire me but they sat in the living room and stared at me. I finally decided to put some blue paint on one canvas. Then I found three pieces of blue paper that matched and decoupaged them on. Okay, cool the beginning of a mixed media piece. They looked like windows into a blue room. Then I thought I don't have to paint a red guitar with a brown background, which is what I usually do. I painted a dark brown guitar. The paper wasn't drying flat so I decided to paint a tree over the wrinkles. See how that imperfection thing comes into play when you are an artist? Ya just gotta go with it. Then all of a sudden I remembered a lucid dream I had of a tree that was dying the last time I slept in the blue bedroom. Leaves were falling and I was sad to see the tree die but I knew there was nothing I could do because the seasons were changing. The tree symbolized a big change that was about to occur in my life. All of a sudden painting the blue canvas with the guitar on it became effortless and healing. I was listening to Wayne Dyer and he quoted the 13th-century poet, Rumi.

"The morning breeze has secrets to tell, don't go back to sleep." ~Rumi

He was referring to the early morning hours he calls "God Time" because the world is quiet. It is the perfect time to meditate. We think clearly at that time if we allow ourselves to. I love that time.  I had that dream in the early morning hours and I listened because I knew that the early morning breeze had secrets to tell. 

Changes can be scary but now that I am on the other side of the changes I see there was no other way. On a brighter note... Happy birthday Andrew. HAPPY being the key word here. John Lennon knew the key to life at 5 and I am pretty sure Andrew has that knowledge too. I find I am happiest when I focus on the present, when I feel grateful, when I am doing what I love to do and when I am helping someone else find happiness... yikes... that last one gets me in trouble sometimes.