Christina Fajardo's Blog

Today I was saddened to hear of the passing of Wayne Dyer, author and speaker in the field of self-development. I was just one of millions. There was a time when I listened to his CDs and watched his videos so much that I jokingly called him my boyfriend. It seemed that every time I had a question, he magically appeared with the perfect message. Sometimes on facebook, an email, on a CD, video or a number of ways. This month, in celebration of his life, his Facebook Page has been offering his books and CDs at a very low price and today offered free podcasts. I turned on a podcast while doing some art earlier today. I had just been pondering my relationship with one of my children and of course there was Wayne with the answer. He had 8 children of his own so who would know better about individual relationships with offspring and how different each child is. As he said, children are born with their own personalities and lessons to learn. He quoted Kahlil Gibran from the poem "On Children"

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable. 

Logically I know this to be true. Yet sometimes it's difficult to let go and allow your child to walk on their own path and learn their own lessons in the manner in which they have chosen. This is especially true if their road takes a turn away from the road you once walked together, onto a road that your perceive as more difficult than the one that you dreamed of for them. There is an instinctive attachment that a parent feels for their children, a bond like no other that makes it difficult to just let go and watch them walk away with the partner of their choice if your instinct tells you that their life could be easier if they were making different choices.

So what does one do. Deep down I know that there is power in partnership, this I know for a fact, not having a partner for some time. But not just any partner. "God Idea Partners"  There is a verse in the Bible that speaks of the company we keep:

Proverbs 13:20
Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.

My instincts tell me to let go, My parents continued to make important choices for me well after I was 18 and I believe my life would have been so much different if that had not been the case. I wanted to go to college at Highlands University in Las Vegas New Mexico. They went and got me and made me come to Austin to babysit for my sister's son. Because of that, I have always made a point to offer help to my children when asked yet allowed for mistakes, knowing that everything happens for a reason and IF you pay attention there is a lesson in everything.  It is possibly the hardest thing I have ever done, yet all the while my final prayer at night is for my children's well being and my first prayer in the morning is the same. Sometimes that is all you can do. God knows we are all a work in progress with no judgement so I am thinking the key is self forgiveness.

So here's to letting go and allowing out children to make their own choices and mistakes. I only wish that they knew that their crown has been paid for by all of their ancestors that cam before them and it is just a matter of putting it on and wearing it. Never let anyone put you down and when someone tells you who they are believe them. There is a place within you that is sacred. Go there. In your heart, you know what is best for you. Do it.