Monday, March 26, 2012

Sunday - High Energy Day of Healing

Bella and Bianca
My friend Lana's grand daughter, Bella, had her first birthday on Sunday. It was a wonderful celebration for the beautiful, smiling faced one year old.
Bella and Becca

Lana, Bella and Rachel
As always, when family and friends are together on a sunny Texas afternoon, it was also a place of healing. Bella's grandpa George had just lost his sister the night before.

George, Vicki and Christina
It was healing for him to talk about the sadness he felt that his sister had not reached out to family. It was healing for me as well to have him reach out, affirming that we are all connected and everything we do effects everyone else on some level.
In the 70s Lana, Mary and I were living at the "OD Corral" in Buda when she met George and I met Davis. George and Lana got married as did Davis and I. They had Rachel and Martha during that time and we had Adriane and Christian. As life goes, we all got divorced but we are all still family now raising our grandchildren together. It is a wonderful life isn't it?

About 10 years ago, I bought a house in Spicewood. George lived in my garage apartment for a time. It was cool. I was spending those years teaching my grandson, Dylan about gardening and living in the country.

George reminded me Sunday of a time not long after I sold that house, my sister, Nita and I were leaving Lana's house and he was driving in the gate in his new BMW and had a new laptop and a lap dog. I jokingly said "Now all you need is a lap dance." What I meant by my off colored joke was that he seemed to be headed in a really positive direction and soon he would meet a lady love. Sure enough, not long after that, he reunited with a high school friend and remarried. He told me Sunday that he had been reading "The Secret" when all these changes took place. Oddly enough, I too had been listening to "The Secret" on CD. I am trying not to judge the relationship I manifested, but needless to say I wasn't specific enough. I had also been painting guitars. The lesson here is be careful what you ask for and paint. I got a guitar player but I forgot to ask for an honest, loving man who is capable of doing more than play guitar. I just thought that was a given.

So there we were sitting and talking under the big oak tree and George's wife,Victoria started to tell me what she was doing when she and George reunited. I am telling you, God works in mysterious ways if you just pay attention. She had been in an on again off again relationship with a very unavailable man since she was 16. As she spoke it was as if she was reading my diary for the past 4 years. He wanted her to be a part of his life but he wasn't a part of her life. He wanted her to rub his feet but he never rubbed her feet. She made him coffee but he never made her coffee. When there was a crisis, he disappeared. Oh this sounds familiar and after 40 years he still wasn't ready to commit? Whew!  I started to feel like I got off easy only having served 4 years instead of 40.
Cayce, Martha, Christina, Heather and Nita

Mario, Dean and Cayce

Nita and Vicki
I was telling a friend the other day that I felt like the Universe had played a big mean, ugly trick on me sending me what looked like a perfect relationship that turned out to be the biggest ugliest untruth of my life. She comforted me by saying that I was sent that one so I would know what I would accept in the next relationship. I am learning to be more forgiving of myself and learning that each step along the way is just a life's lesson providing the tools to go on to the next step.

The Preservation
So after the birthday party Martha and I meet Nita at the Continental just in time to see "The Preservation" sing my song "You Don't Need Him CiCi."  I am so proud of Cayce and Mario for all their hard work creating not only a great band but a loving community. They seem to really get that it takes commitment and courage.

I love the way healing works. I seem to get the same uplifting messages from my family, friends and therapist all along the way. This week's big message has been to forgive myself. Until this week I didn't know how important it is to forgive myself for feeling like I wasted so much of my precious time working at a nonpaying job doing promotional graphics for someone who never loved me. I was merely unpaid hired help. The good news is that it is my artwork always got a great response so I know I am a good artist. I don't have to stop being a caretaker I just need to pay closer attention to who I take care of. Right now I AM taking care of MY art business and it is taking off. All is well. Lesson learned.

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