This month my eight and a half year old granddaughter, Jackie walked into my apartment for the first time since she was less than a year old. She responded exact the way I always dreamed that she would. With the excitement of an 8 year old, she immediately saw a current photo of herself on the table in the entry way and twirled around once and walked a few steps into the dining room and twirled around again and said with the brightest smile "I love your house! It feels like any art studio!" She had no idea that I had dreamed of this moment for years.
So, for the back story. My son and his ex-wife separated before my granddaughter was a year old. It has been the longest, ugliest eight year custody court battle that you can possibly imagine. He has literally spent thousands of dollars on multitude of attorneys and a guardian ad litem (a neutral person appointed by a court to investigate and advocate for the best interests of the children) And for what? Fighting for the rights he should naturally have as a father, to see his children.
Nobody in our family had experienced this kind of hatred before. It is a way of life in their family. Keeping each other in court and just being mean. I have learned this, vengeance is ugly and so very unnecessary. More importantly, generational trauma is real. I have learned that when the well being of 2 children is the goal, you just have to continue fighting the good fight, even when fighting doesn't come natural. I can proudly say my son has done more than any father I have ever seen, fighting for his right to be a father to his children. In general, the court system isn't fair to fathers. Fathers do not get equal treatment in court.
My 16 year old grandson was about 8 when his parents divorced. Those first 4 years were horrible for everyone, but it was really hard on him. He had been so close to his dad for 8 years then suddenly he only got to see him for 4 hours a week and sometimes not even that often. My son would go to his school and have lunch with him but eventually his mother made that impossible and took my grandson out of all of his extra curricular activities to keep my son from seeing his son at all, other than the mandatory 4 hour weekly visits. There was one road block after another, in the hateful game of keeping the kids away from their father. There was a point when it had gotten so bad that the children were dropped off at the court house once a week and Christian picked them up, in a windowless little room at the courthouse. Arriving at the exact time specified, going through a security check and returning them at the exact time specified.
When my son first moved out, from living with his then wife and 2 children, he was living in a very cool, large one bedroom apartment above his restaurant, Taco Circus. He was having to jump through all kinds of hoops just to have visitations with his children. He had his house inspected by the guardian ad litem and then the ex-wife insisted in court, that my son have a house where the children had their own bedrooms. He rented and later bought a large 2 story 4 bedroom house. Still the children only came over for 4 hour visitations. Never even spending time in their rooms because their 4 hours with their father were spent driving to and from the court house and feeding them dinner and having just enough time time spend a few minutes playing together before their time was up. Meanwhile, the ex-wife had remarried to a man with a teen-age daughter. They lived in a very small 3 bedroom house, the parents had a bedroom, the teenager had a bedroom, Andrew and Jackie shared a bedroom with bunk beds, however, Jackie slept on the couch in the living room. It seemed that the petty demands didn't go both ways. The guardian ad litem never inspect their house.
For 4 years holidays were just sad. Then children never got to go see their dad or his side of the family for holidays. My son would think of ways to work around the crazy rules. He would put a Christmas tree up in July and have "Christmas in July" and shower them with gifts.
At the age of 12, my grandson finally started running away from home and has been living with his father since. He is now 16.
So for the first time in 8 long years, my son got a court appointed week with both of his children. Until now, he had only seen his daughter every other weekend and every Wednesday. They were here in Austin for 5 days. It had been 8 long years of NEVER having my whole family together. Never sitting down to dinner together. Never having a sleep over at my house with my only granddaughter. We had to fit the 8 lost years into a 5 day period and made sure to make every minute count. The day they were leaving I met them at Kerby Lane Cafe for one last meal together before they left town. I ordered my usual, 1 pancake, 1 egg and 1 slice of bacon. I asked my son " Who does this breakfast remind you of?" He said "Grandpa." A look of concern came over my granddaughter's face and she said "Who is Grandpa? Andrew leaned over and said "Grandpa was CiCi's dad, I didn't meet him either because he died before I was born." All of a sudden I realized that she too had been taking notes at all the things she had missed out on in her 8 years of life. There seemed to be a determination that now that she knew there was much more, she's not going to miss out on it anymore.
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