The Road Goes On Forever and the Lessons Never End

 

The first time I read "Eat, Pray, Love" I felt that I got the meaning of the above paragraph. I understood it on a level that I could understand at the time. I had at the time, left behind everything familiar on more than one occasion. I expected that I was going to reach a level of understanding somewhere in mid-life and from that point on everything would be a piece of cake. Quit the contrary. I have found that the road goes on forever and the lessons never end. Lessons appear and reappear, therefore forgiveness is required over and over.

An interesting lesson occurred the other day on a massive scale. I am still wondering if something huge was going on in the Universe that was part of the aftermath of the December 21 shift. The last will and testament of 3 families, my parents, my sister-in-law's mother and an artist friend, had been an issue for our families. On the very same day, everyone seemed to have come to a quasi agreement, but not without drama. It was a crazy day, however,  even while responding to the drama,  I was able to stand back and see that it was all a part of the lesson. My sister is the executor of my parent's estate. My father passed away 12 yrs ago and my mother, 8 years ago. The estate has not been settled, so for 8 yrs my sister has been dealing out money as she sees fit without legally disclosing financial information. After a legal letter from my oldest brother, she decided it was time to relinquish her power over what little is left and apologized to him. It says so much about our family dynamics. I had asked for an accounting of the money 2 yrs ago and was ignored.

So after a whirlwind of communications and/or miscommunications, I fell asleep feeling content that there seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I woke up the next morning from a prophetic dream, I heard a voice say "She's your Arch Nemesis. I felt like I had just gotten an important piece to the puzzle, then I had to solve the puzzle. I spent the day pondering Nemesis, the Greek Goddess who directed human affairs in such a way as to maintain equilibrium. Nemesis means "She who distributes." Happiness and unhappiness were measured out by her. Care being taken that happiness was not too frequent or too excessive. Is it a coincidence that my sister is also a Libra? Balance is important to her but extremely subjective. And her indecisiveness often leads her down a slippery slope to procrastination. In this case, an 8 year ride down an indecisive, slippy slope. So even though Libras like balance, they have difficulty making up their mind and they becomes downright unpleasant when questioned. 

 As for the term "Arch Nemesis," that would indicate someone that has been a constant in my life that has more or less equivalent powers, but has opposing ideologies. That makes total sense as well. My sister and I, seemingly equivalent, had different life goals, however, she always had an upper hand with our father as her ally. Needless to say, the lessons have been hard, dealing with family issues and finally after over 50 years of practice, I have learned to stand up for myself and my immediate family. Under stress, her need to control and balance everything becomes amplified. A perfect example: After my mother's death, the family caravaned to Amarillo to bury her. When I arrived at Mom's house, I was told that all the "married" couples would be sleeping on the double beds and all the other couples would get a blow up a mattress. Long story short, that would mean that her son would get a bed instead of me. I was the 50 yr. old daughter with a chronic, painful spinal disorder. Where was the sense behind her decision for her healthy son to have the bed? I stood up to her and was physically attacked. She certainly didn't waste any time letting us know who was the new matriarch of the family.

The moral to this story: We are all divine. I don't believe in soul mates, I believe in soul groups. We are placed with those that will teach us the lessons that we are here to learn and it is by design that we are traveling on this road together. It isn't always pleasant but I am learning to choose happiness over suffering and sometimes that just means taking a needed detour off of the main highway to hang out at a rest area for a while. 

Forgiveness isn't a one time event. It is a way of life because the lessons just keep coming. Forgiving others is important, especially those that provide the hardest of lessons over and over, however forgiving one's self is key. Be kind to yourself, don't accept less than you deserve.