Thursday, May 22, 2014

Reflections On My Birthday Month

Another year has gone by celebrating Taurus birthdays with all my Taurus friends....  except Sarah Elizabeth, the one that I miss very much. This Taurus birthday season just wasn't the same without her. She wasn't just the center of the Taurus parties, she was the center of every party. She had a way of creating a party when there wasn't one. I miss the magic in her infectious laughter. I miss her political incorrectness when she would say what everyone else was thinking. My birthday somehow wasn't right this year, I am hoping next year will be better... it's a big one... I will be 60.

Sarah Elizabeth Campbell and John Prine

I found a poem online about Taurus the Bull. After reading it, I thought yeah, maybe I have some of those traits but I've been a muse for a few songs that seem to have captured my essence a little better.

The latest on is a song written by my friend Danny Britt. The song is loosely based on me... or at least the first verse. His artistic license sort of took over somewhere in the middle of the song. It's called "She Only Drinks Whiskey In The Morning." He and I were having a conversation one day and I jokingly said that I only drank tequila in the morning, referring to "Tequila Sunrises," well he couldn't find a word to rhyme with tequila so he changed it to whiskey. Okay, cool... I like whiskey too.

In my defense I have never slept in a car or danced on top of a bar.

About 4 years ago my niece's husband, Mario Matteoli wrote a song about me and I am so glad I got passed that tragic, heartbreaking time of my life, but hey, I was a muse for a song that seems to help  a few women get through tragic, bad break-ups and I am absolutely positive that the attraction to tragic relationships is in my past. All I have to do is watch this video to remind myself that I never want to go down that slippery slope again.

In the 80's another good friend, Milton Carroll, wrote a song about me called "Cecelia Don't Give Your Heart Away." As you may imagine, the song was just as tragic as "Sweet Cecelia." 

Okay, so all the songs written about me aren't tragic. Here is one written by Daniel Ruddick in 1991 called "Christina's Magic." I actually named my company after the song and it held that name for many years.

Christina’s Magic

She sent Billy Doss from somewhere near Waco

He gave me a message from the lady Christine

Just like a snake I slipped from my past

Rode down on the back of a gold eagle’s wing

We landed in Austin then out of the shadows

Like a dervish she swirled and danced in my dreams

Christina slips off her synthetic see-through

And takes me to places I’ve never been

We ride on the slipstream, me and Christina

I told her I’ve loved her for lifetimes it seems.

She weaves her magic on a desert mandala

Her cluster of blessings are hidden by pain

Dark angel’s hair rolls down streaked like sunset

Lips sliced like peaches drive me insane

Standing on crystal here at the crossroads 

Waiting for lightening to strike twice again

Christina’s magic is old and it’s ancient  

My mother of mercy brings new life to me

We ride on the slipstream, me and Christina

I told her I loved her for lifetimes it seems

Thunder clouds gather 

Christina’s passion drives tears from heaven 

Down to the sea

The scarlet red dawning dances on trinkets

Treasures Christina has left for me

Christina’s magic is old, very ancient  

My mother of mercy brings new life to me

We ride on the slipstream, me and Christina

I told her I loved her for lifetimes it seems

Written by Daniel Rudick, August 20, 1991, 8:00 am

Of course, Daniel went back to Canada and later recorded the song with his new girlfriend and completely changed the lyrics. You can listen to it here.

So the moral to the story...

Recognizing, acknowledging and honoring our path is a lifetime commitment. Anyone that has spent any amount of time in therapy knows that we have relationships with people who mirror ourselves and the relationships we have with our parents. One of the most frustrating things in the world is feeling something painful and having other people tell you that you shouldn’t be upset. That has been the message I received for the majority of my life. 
I've read "The Secret" several times over, I should have it all figured out, right? In some areas of my life I do. I have excellent parking karma. Animals and children love me. I can make a yard come alive in the blink of an eye. Relationships are a different story. I mirror the one I experienced as a child. The one I was told to overlook. I have seen the law of attraction work for so many and it seemed to be working against me. Finally, last week I heard Esther Hicks say that if you strongly affirm something verbally, but you don't really believe it in your heart, you are actually working against yourself. It's like you are arguing with yourself and digging your heals in. I get that. I'm a bull... I dig my heals in. So my birthday gift to myself this year is to really acknowledge my beliefs and to continue healing that part of myself that, in the past, didn't feel heard. Family dynamics are a funny thing. I urge you to take a look at yours and if there is an imbalance, acknowledge it. The day after I had that "Ah Ha moment" I woke up with this poem in my head, it was around May 12, my birthday. I'd had a dream about a family member that had really hurt me numerous times over the years and not only did they not acknowledge it, I was expected to accept their behavior and I did for years! And since nobody acknowledged that it was happening, an apology wasn't in order. That was until I finally stood my ground and acknowledged what an unhealthy situation it was for the whole family. I assumed they cared about me as much as I cared about them therefore these atrocities couldn't be occurring.... well they were.  I thought they would always be there for me, only to realize they never were there for me at all. Acknowledgement of the truth is key. We all need to know that we are seen and heard and
that we matter.

Happy Birthday to all my Taurus friends and family
and also to all the Gemini friends and family! 
Gilbert, Mom and Dad to name a few.

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