I recently read that empaths and narcissists are the opposite sides of the same coin. I think it may be better explained by saying people tend to fall into one of three groups along a spectrum of emotional sensitivity: Low, Medium and High. With Medium being "Normal" of course. I will be the first to admit that I don't fit in the mid section of the sensitivity spectrum. Never have. Never will. I'm not wired that way and besides, I am a boomer who grew up in the midst of the countercultural hippie movement of the late 60's. I am a self proclaimed nonconformist! I'm passionately about everything I do and feel, I rescue strays and I can't watch scary movies. Hence being labeled as a sensitive empath.
Okay, so speaking from 69 years of experience at the empathic end of the spectrum, I'm highly attuned to my surroundings with a deep capacity to feel others' emotions. We don't do well in large crowds of people because we often have difficulty setting boundaries, which may lead to feeling overwhelmed by external stimuli. There's also a tendency to prioritize others' needs. As for the narcissists at the other end of the emotional sensitivity spectrum, they are are highly self-focused with inflated sense of self-importance. They lack empathy for others and see themselves as more important than anyone else.
The root cause of both empathy and narcissism are complex and likely involve a combination of nature and nurture. In other words, it can be influenced by childhood trauma and/or genetics. Prolonged stress in childhood can dysregulate the sympathetic nervous system, leading to the release of the hormones adrenaline and cortisol, creating the "fight or flight" response. This is a natural, automatic physiological reaction to perceived danger, activating the sympathetic nervous system to prepare the body for action of either fighting or fleeing.
I feel like my family had an average amount of stress in our household, none the less, I'm highly sensitive empath. So here's where genetics come into play in my case. I was in my 50's when I discovered that I have several rare congenital neurological and heart anomalies. The word divergent takes on a whole new meaning when viewing my MRIs and CT Scans. Long story short, the left side of my brain malfunctions so the right side of my brain overcompensated. I became right-brain dominant left handed, extremely creative and intuitive. My neurologists and cardiologists seem to look forward to seeing me every 6 months and have all told me I am sort of a walking miracle. I am aware of both my gifts and my limitations, however, I have chosen to see that being highly sensitive as more of a blessing than a curse. Thank God for MRIs and CT Scans, otherwise my doctors wouldn't know that the inside of my body, from top to bottom, appears to be put together with left over parts, assembled by an amateur, but that's a whole other blog. I'm sort of like my grandson, Dylan's 1986 T-Top Mustang that he loves and works on daily. It's not just a car, it's a project. I am grateful for every minute I am alive.
From a very young age, I was told on many occasions that I'm too sensitive. It's true that I am highly sensitive, but now I see it as a gift. When my sensitivity is nurtured it becomes my source of clarity and strength. When it is suppressed I feel overwhelmed and anxious to the point of feeling physically ill. I've learned that solitude and rest are necessary because noise and stimulation drain me more than the average person. I do best living in the country spending a lot of time in nature. When I was a child, I couldn't even watch the Wile Coyote and Road Runner cartoons because I couldn't watch them blow each other up. Loud concerts with strobe lights were never an option.
Interestingly, empaths and narcissists are often drawn to each other. I have always been aware that I am an empath but it took me a very long time to realize how that played into my attraction to narcissists. I always had a maternal instinct to rescue kittens, dying plants and very unavailable men. Now that I am 69, my energy is saved for my kids, birds and plants.
My niece's husband, Mario asked me once if I had a playlist of all the songs that had been written about me. I laughed at the thought, then I realized I really did have my fair share of songs written about me. But the songs weren't songs about undying love for me, but songs about a woman who rescues people at her own cost. It was so obvious to everyone but me.
Here are four of the songs written about me. "She Only Drinks Whiskey in the Morning" isn't totally about me, but you get the idea. The girl in the song is a mess.
"Sweet Cecelia" ~ by Mario Matteoli
Click below to watch The Preservation sing
Sweet Cecelia by The Preservation
Click below to hear Danny Britt sing
"Cecelia Don't Give Your Heart Away" ~ by Milton Carroll
I don't have a recording of this because it was so long ago, but the title says it all.
"Christina's Magic" ~ by Daniel Ruddick
Click below to hear Dan Ruddick sing
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| These are the original words to the song "Christina's Magic" but the words were changed years later after Daniel got married. |
So in my defense, there is a biological reason for me being sensitive to loud noises and negative energy. Yes, I have a history of picking up straying even on my bad days, but it's just the way I am wired. The up side is that I live a creative, colorful world.
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