Dreaming of Blue Skies

In October, I wasn't looking forward to a cold winter alone. I had just broken up with Tony again but this time I spent every minute of every day making healthier choices in my life. I decided to start my new year taking 3 e-courses to get me through the cold and lonely winter. In the month of December I took a giant step backwards and allowed him back into my life. It felt really nice to have him around again, I wouldn't have to spend Christmas feeling that lonely feeling and he seemed like he was making progress. Come to find out he had made no progress and If I tried to explain the betrayal, it would sound like a Jerry Springfield show so I won't even go there. 

So here it is, January 21 and I am recouping from the fall.

I woke up yesterday morning and opened my Etsy store and noticed I was in this treasury. "Dreaming of Blue Skies" It couldn't have come at a better time.

In October I thought I had learned a very important lesson from a cat. I drew a line in the sand, not allowing the very distructive stray back into my house. She lived in my house for 5 months and then she ran off and stayed gone for 6 weeks. At the same time Tony and I had broken up and I knew that the cat was only here to teach me that there was no amount of love that can change the spots on a leopard. I get caught up in my need to encourage, to educate, to enliven, to help others evolve. I do it at my own expense and I end up hurt. There was a light that I saw in the stray cat and the other stray cat, Tony. That light gave me hope that the they too were paying attention and learning. I wanted to be a part of there growth. Tony used to tell me he was a better person because of me. Really? Then why didn't I ever see a change? Because he is a stray cat. The cat now hangs out at my back door, waiting to be fed and even though she knows I am the one who feeds her, she still runs from me. The same goes for Tony. He knows I feed him spiritually yet he pushes me away. I have once again come to realize that every time I allow him back into my life, I get the same result and it is never going to change. We hang out and have a good time but before long, he leaves tire tracks on my back. The ending is always the same.

Lesson learned, I pray. I am still growing as a spiritual human being, still evolving and discovering the wonders within myself. I still have the desire to love and be loved deeply. I have the desire to have and to be an excellent partner, friend and lover for life. I want to be open to all that love can teach me. I want to live life to its fullest. So far I feel like I am a lifelong student of learning and I may not accomplish all that is on my list in this lifetime. All I can say for now is I am taking in no more stray cats.