Wednesday, February 1, 2012


I woke up at 5 am to yet another bad dream. I put on some coffee, not feeling the inspiration I need to get my work done this morning before I go meet my trainer at the gym. The first thing on my list was to write my biography that is to go up with an art show that is about a month late. I haven't been able to pull together one cool thing to say about myself. Then I opened an email letting me know I am being featured on a blog today. It had a short bio of mine. Funny that I had forgotten who I am.  I am so thankful that the Universe is kind enough to whisper it in my ear. I really am grateful.

I am also grateful for my son, Christian. He called yesterday just as Tony was walking out the door. He had come over to change all of the contact and billing information on his website that I built over into his name. I am thinking that is the last of the lingering ties. I am amazed at how much of my time I spent building his musical career to have it end with him playing in a band with Bianca. It makes me sad. I have tried really hard to be friends with him but it just feels like he is stuck, even worse, going backwards and it feels so toxic. Boundaries are still very muddy and I am left feeling the emotions that he doesn't feel. Then I crash when he leaves.

Then I received an excited phone call from Christian about the new house he and his sweet little family are moving into in St Louis. Excited about planning our art business and going to market in Dallas. He reminded me that I was there for him getting over his addictions and he is here to help me get over my addiction to a bad relationship that has been equally as toxic. I am not sure why they call it heart break, my whole body hurts.

Iyanla VanZandt says there are but 2 emotions. Love and Fear. I am stuck in the fear this morning. There are 4 core fears and I am feeling them all.
  • Fear of losing someone's love. 
  • Fear of being powerless. 
  • Fear of losing control. 
  • Fear of not being necessary or valuable.
I also know that we are never fearful for the reason that we think we are. Triggers bring up old issues. So here is the wonderful blog with my art on it! I truly am grateful for the reminders that my art is inspirational and it is my goal to be an inspiration even when I am not having my best day.
Click here to see the blog I am featured in today

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